Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
