The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
