Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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