yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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