Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
