I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
