He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A bitchslap is in order.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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