***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
