Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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