I wish I could teleport
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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