ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
