and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this boner is exhausting
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
