Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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