I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
