Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
