Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
