I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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