HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
