he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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