I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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