I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
