I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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