Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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