I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
