dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
