We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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