I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
