Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
