another moral hangover. fuck.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
