dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
