the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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