guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
