My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
