Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Someone shit on the floor
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
