Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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