i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you are never too drunk for berry picking
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
