hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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