Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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