I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
