Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
