So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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