Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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