I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
