I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
