a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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