If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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