it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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