I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
