Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
