had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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