We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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