You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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