so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize