White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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