rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
