Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
