My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
