either way he was missing a nipple.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
