they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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