All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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