i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
