I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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