You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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