the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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