i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i think im in europe. pls send help
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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