I can tuck mytits in my pants
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wish my penis had a tongue
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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