i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
