she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
