after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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