Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
