The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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