I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
