I don't think brook has ever known best
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize