Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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