im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
