Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
