Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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