Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
