FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize