If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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