Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.

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(914): View more from New York

my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet

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(516): View more from New York

doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420

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(254): View more from Texas

Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?

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(785): View more from Kansas

Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?

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(818): View more from California

Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜

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