I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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