if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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