I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize