And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
