There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didn't notice because vodka
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just forgot I was standing up.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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