Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
