My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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